Burnt Grilled Cheese

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try you end up 10 steps back from where you started?  Or you get distracted and forget about the grilled cheese sandwich on the stove and the only thing that reminds you is the billowing smoke coming from the kitchen, and in a panic you grab the pan and throw it into the sink and now the whole entire house smells like burnt cheese and bread?  Well, the last month has certainly been that in our house.  In my last post I mentioned that dad's cancer was most likely back, we had to wait for a PET scan to tell us exactly what is going on.  The revelation came this past Monday when the doctor's informed us and him that the cancer is indeed back and progressing through his lung, and that there is no form of treatment available that will change the progression of the disease.  Dad had a hard time understanding the doctor, whom had a very thick european accent, and it wasn't until Jeff and I asked him after the doctor had left to get the chief oncologist, if he understood what he had been told that he did not know his cancer was back.  He thought that it was only about his cracked rib so we had to inform him of the return of the original tumor plus 2 more lesions.  When he asked what they were going to do about it, our response was: "nothing", the first sign of acknowledgement and anger set in.
The oncologist came in and reaffirmed what the fellowship doctor had said and basically said that the radiation gave him 2 years so  that was good.  Now we venture into the disease spreading and home care and eventually maybe even palliative care. 
As I look at dad today and see his weariness, exhaustion and lack of colour I am sure that he will not fight too hard as his comment at the restaurant the other day reflected his real true outlook:

"Well guys, I guess they are going to slow the planet down long enough for me to get off since it's my turn!"

It with that comment that I will end this blog post today.  It really sucks when it smells like a burnt grilled cheese.

Homemade Bread

Yummmmm..... There is nothing like the smell of homemade bread floating through the house or homemade chicken soup.  It seems to be able to bring a sense of calm and release stress from the body like no other smell can.  It brings back memories of days flooded with grandma's wise words over lunch.  A sandwich made on fresh home-made bread.  I think my favourite was butter and her home-made raspberry jam.  The butter would melt into the bread, still warm from the oven, and the jam would warm up a bit and it would just send every brain cell to pure joy and you could do nothing but smile with every bite. It's times like these that I use to help me de-stress from things that may be happening in my life.  Right now, a new/old stress has returned: Cancer.

God!! how I despise that word.  A couple of weeks ago, Jeff's dad went to his doctor for his CT results on his chest and he was told that since December, the spot on his lung has doubled in size.  WOW!! what a shock to everyone.  So now we wait until mid September to talk to his cancer doctor about what the options are if any, at his age.  Dad just turned 85 at the beginning of August and now we wait.  In the meantime though, dad's mind is racing all over the place not fully understanding but also I think fully understanding the implications of the information given to him.  He didn't even come up from his place to talk to me for a whole week.  Usually, he would come up once or twice or even say hi, when he saw me on one of my trips down to the basement.  When he finally did come up, he had lots of questions and concerns, with no answers.  I do hope that the answers come at his next appointment.  Now I see a man who is depressed and usually just sits and thinks, about what, no one really knows, but just a whole plethora of things.

So we try to get him out and he is now going out for his walks daily.  That's what will keep him going.  I on the other hand just keep thinking of the smell of home-made bread and that somehow it will all work out.

A friend of mine wrote on his blog about a saying found in England during the war....Keep Calm and Carry On!  Well, the smell of home-made bread, will help me do that.  Now, if only I was good at baking bread!

Just Insane!

So tonight as I sit to write my hubby has been on hold with Westjet for almost 1 1/2hours waiting to ask a question about how dad boards the plane if he has assistance with his walker and bags.  I sit across the room, feeling the maddening energy that comes from him as I too, feel that it is ridiculous that even though he has a confirmation number the "system cannot complete his request at this time."  That to me is just plain insanity.  Insanity is probably the word for the last month.  In my last post I mentioned that dad had just gotten his new hearing aides.  Well, that lasted for 4 days before he dropped one and stepped on it crushing it into a million pieces, ok, maybe not a million, but geesh, what the hell.  He almost did not tell J about it because, he was dumbfounded about what to do.  To make a long story short, I got home and looked at it, asked him if he was going to take it in, he said in a few days.  So for the next few days, there was stress upon stress because of the cost of them.  How do we do this?  I even phoned the credit card company to see if we could claim it on the card.  Few days later, I had an appointment so I booked him in.  Good thing too, that we brought all of the pieces, as they informed us that, stuff like this happens and because we had most of the pieces they would send it off for repair.  Seriously!! No one explained to him that he would not have to claim them.  Only if we didn't bring the pieces in.  So I got a short lesson in what to do in case of ....

So now on to Father's Day.  All I can say is..... Blow up!! Clear up!!  Things got put out into the open and I think a better understanding of Father and Son happened to the duo and I am glad it did.  Dad was ready to walk away but instead we all talked it out and I think a new understanding and appreciation happened for all.

Now onto this past week.  Health insurance for his trip to the coast created nothing but stress.  So the final decision was to end his trip early and come home instead of waiting for me to come out to the coast and take him to the Island to see his sister.  Stress about the fact that he would not be covered because of the use of oxygen, having COPD and the fact that he had lung cancer in the last 2 years, nevermind the cost to him, for all the other things that could happen and they could claim that it was because of his health.  Mind boggling, Insane, Crazy or as The Bachelorette quoted on her show recently, things went " Backwoods, Virgina Red Neck" around here.  Well, I am about ready to do that too.  Until next time.....BooYah!

Kobe Beef or Ground Beef

So I find myself wondering what kind of sandwich I would be able to label the following event and one that comes to mind is a "Kobe Beef Burger, " cost 140.00$ per burger.  Why you might ask, well when it comes to seniors health care, it seems like you  are told you have to have the best for your health but it's going to cost you.

I find it absolutely amazing how our world works for those who are disabled.  In my opinion, there are not enough options for people who have multiple disabilites, to access proper care and maintain their human dignity along the way.  In our household, Jeff's dad has mulitiple disablities, blindness, being the most debilitating, although he will tell you otherwise.  So in respect to getting his hearing aides, because he was suffering from age related hearing loss, he brought the hearing aides home and to our surprise, we couldn't believe how many instructions came along with it.  For instance, batteries, who knew he would have to change them once a week and they are the size of baby aspirin, so for a blind man, "practical impossibility" comes to mind as a new term that I just made up. So Dad came up in the morning with his little bag of goodies to give us a lesson on his new hearing aides.  It is quite cute, his attention to detail and making sure to get it right.  His biggest concern at this time is not the fact that he has to turn them off every night by finding the little switch, but how long the batteries will last and how does he change them.  So he went through the instructions and Jeff and I listened and asked questions.  Overall, it went fine.  A sidenote here, Ryan came up to his grampa and asked a question and dad heard him quite clearly for the first time ever.  I made reference to this and dad commented back, "I guess they really are working." 
You see, dad is not thoroughly convinced that he needed to spend the money for his hearing (4G's).  Well, it so far has paid off and this became evident to him, in the van on our grocery trip outting for the day.  There was a lot of background noise in the back of the van and Ryan began talking to grampa and grampa heard him and answered him back.  So I asked dad what he thought about the hearing aides in the van, and he again replied, "they are really working."  So time will tell if he really truly feels that way.

On another health note, the same week that dad went to get his hearing aides he also made a trip to his dentist only to be told that he will need teeth and bridge work and implants that in the end could cost up to 10,000.00$ for one side.  So I ask, where is the assistance for our seniors.  Hello, they are not working anymore and how are they supposed to acquire that kind of money on the pension that is provided to them.  Their pension does not allow for these kinds of extravagant costs and even if they have a blue cross program that they pay for it does not allow for such work to be done.  So here in lies the dilemma of a senior...live without the tooth, or have all of this work done, pay for it and then have the dentist tell you that your other teeth have rotted because of age and now all of that work is for not!  Simply amazing.  As dad said at the breakfast table, I think I would rather go without, because who knows I could die the day after and all that money would have gone down the drain.  I understand  his comment, but I have a hard time with the government not chipping in a portion or having regulations with our dentists for seniors.  In my opinion, by not having the work done, we are opening ourselves to new medical issues and possible hospital trips due to possible gum disease and heart issues.  In the end potentially costing the health care system even more money than if it had a formula to contribute to maintaining seniors health.

So I come back to the sandwich choice:  Choosing a Kobe Beef Burger gives you hearing aides and new teeth.  Choosing a regular ground beef burger gives you no hearing assistance and changing your diet to soft foods because you no longer have teeth.   Hmmmmmm......

Weekends at Our House part 2

So as life would have it being pulled was definitely the description for the end of the long weekend.  Today we sprung into action this time, moving the family room around to accommodate the tv.  If you are wondering as to why this would be such an issue, let me back up the bus and give some background.  Just over a year ago we moved into our new home. We did this to accommodate my husbands aging father who was diagnosed with lung cancer.  Upon moving into the home we set up the family room with the furniture that we had and soon realized that we created a toy pit that became an eyesore and it was almost impossible for anyone to get a book from the bookshelf, let alone play in there.  So it became a personal journey to figure something out.  Well we had moved into an older home and cable wires and internet needed to be rerouted. Well, we did through lots of grunts, frustration, a few naughty words and through a cold air return we accomplished the unthinkable in the room.

So the morning started off with grampa just putting it out there that he was going to take the bus to the grocery store to get a few heavy items tomorrow unless we were planning on going out today.  Both my husband and I looked at each other and then back at dad and almost simultaneously said that we didn't have a problem taking him out to the store that's what we are there for.  Well the typical sigh and then "as long as it is ok?" comment comes.  Once it was determined that we would take him out, we decided to go out and look at a new receiver for the tv since we were going to move it.  We told him that we would come back for him to take him grocery shopping and he thought that was a great idea.

Out we went and back we came with a new receiver and a big moving job ahead of us. My husband took out his dad and our son and I went to work moving things off of the shelves. Now the question was "where the heck was I going to put this stuff?" Well the dining room table for now seemed to solve the problem. I will come back to this in a minute.  Moving started and the boys came home.  Grampa put his groceries away and came up and sat at the table with a beer. No problem.  He really tries hard to be included in the events of the house but it is difficult for him as he has macular degeneration and is almost fully blind. He can see the big stuff and he was impressed with how the room opened up.  So onto trying to clean house and cook family dinner amidst the needed assistance from me to my husband setting everything up and a 4 year old needing to be occupied.

Now I was in the kitchen finishing off dinner, with grampa asking for a wine glass, 4 year old needing snack and guidance, and husband asking questions as to why things weren't working out and at one point I just wanted to tell everyone to "shut up"!!  I know bad momma! oh well, I had my moment and it quickly passed as it so often does.  When what to my wondering ears do I hear from grampa was "so I guess dinner in the dining room is not going to happen tonight." Really, seriously, are you really upset about this or being sarcastic? sometimes it's hard to tell. Me...press the ignore button...

Well dinner finally made it and all were seated around the kitchen table tonight for a roast dinner.  Everyone is enjoying dinner when my husband asked me to pass the peas and carrots.  One would think this would not entice comments, well as it has become very common in our house, comment followed. Here it comes my reference earlier to the dining room table having stuff on it... Grampa then states as dish is being passed..."well the table is a little crowded tonight, not like the dining room table when we have dinner, so much more room." Hubby and I just looked at each other across the table and made eye contact that said it all.  I stated it wasn't a problem and left it at that.  This comment tells me that he was not happy that we were eating dinner in the kitchen nook tonight. Oh well...this is life.  I am getting used to learning every time we sit down to dinner to be enlightened with a new perspective from the older generation.

Tonight I am tired.  Boy is in bed upstairs.  Grampa is in bed downstairs. Hubby and I are chillin' for a bit before we go off to bed as my workout comes very early in the morning.  I sign off with...it really was a good weekend at our house.

Oh What the Weekend Brings

Welcome to my new endeavor.
I finally decided to put my thoughts about life as I see it on a blog.  Who knows how many people out there may see things the same way or offer a different perspective. But as life would have it right now, I am a wife, mother, dog mom, daughter, daughter in-law (whose father in-law lives with us), sister, friend, teacher, and a woman living in the 21st century.  I am part of the new mom's in their 40's circle, full time wife and teacher. I also have my husband's father who is in his 80's living with us in a suite in our home.  I am part of the Sandwich Generation. What kind of sandwich I am right now remains to be chosen. I will definitely try to name some while I write these blogs. I named this blog Weekends at our House, because something always presents itself as a challenge or celebration of life in full force. Maybe this weekend's sandwich is Pulled Pork.  Like right now....grampa is sitting at the kitchen table figuring out what his day is going to be like....the offer of a drive out on a glorious morning has been suggested by his son, just the two of them, and it takes a moment to figure out if that's a possibility for the day...questions that arise are: Yes I guess we could do that if you are up to it...followed by Bev have you had breakfast yet? No because I am not going with you. Oh, ok. The mind of grampa now being pulled to another thought and followed by a short pause then the response...I guess that's ok.  Then my son tries to tell grampa that he is not going but staying to have a bath...this is where it get's a little tricky...grampa is in the process of getting hearing aides, which will hopefully eliminate the need to speak very loudly, especially from a 4 year olds perspective, to be heard and understood.  It is quite charming at times as well as, very frustrating.  The hearing aides are a whole different story and will be written about on a future blog.  Right now I will have to put off finishing as I am being pulled by my 4 year old who cannot stand the pain of patience, in waiting for his bath and keeps saying to me as he sits by my side...aweee! why does it take so long?  My tummy says right now....followed by the biggest sigh ever!!! Off I go being pulled. :)